When we were children, we came across some difficulties.
Perhaps in some areas our parents were not attentive to us and perhaps even gave us harsh messages such as "You are not good enough" or "You are a bad boy/girl."
If these messages repeated themselves, our body began to get used to them
And produced a specific set of chemicals every time we heard them.
These chemicals can include substances such as dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins.
These messages were conveyed to us (deliberately or not) by people we trusted and based our sense of security on, such as father, mother and other family members, so our brain learned to chemically link the messages we received to a sense of home and security.
These brain connections still exist in our adult lives, and the search for a sense of security in our 20s and 30s can lead us to convey the same messages to ourselves.
For example, if I wanted to feel at home, I would find a way to tell myself that I was not good enough and then I would get a large dose of chemicals that give me a feeling of security, the feeling of home.
To do this I will look for evidence in reality that I am indeed not good at anything. And it is not a problem to find such "proofs" if we really try…
In a process of self-love, we want to create a situation in which we re-program this automaton.
How to do this?
I want to create a situation where I feel safe and at home.
so I find a way to tell myself how sweet, charming and amazing I am,
instead of the criticism and judgment I usually put myself through.
The easiest and most effective way to do this is through a session of self-love.
What do I do in a self-love session?
I take time to lay down and imagine that my hands are the most amazing lover in the world.
I start touching my body slowly, gently, paying attention to whatever makes me feel good.
My hands can touch my hair, ears, neck, chest, stomach, all sorts of pleasant places.
I can also touch myself in a sexual way but the main point is to give myself love and pleasure.(and not just masturbating)
This practice, takes no effort or financial investment, it is available to everyone.
Once we start doing it the automatics of our system will change and we will receive a very powerful experience:
Our confidence will rise. Because it is produced by good, healthy and empowering messages, not by criticism judgment.
So my recommendation for you, if you want to create self-confidence and self-love, is to start practicing fifteen minutes, once a day, and touch your body in a way that pleases you.
You can put on music that is pleasant, to light a candle, dim the lights, but you really do not have to.
Do it in any way that suits you.
Have fun and enjoy,